What I am reflecting?
Relearning the Art of Connection
This week, I feel excited, contented, and glad because I relearned one of the most important concepts: communication.
More specifically, I revisited the concept of Nonviolent Communication, and learning it again really fulfilled some of my needs. The need to connect, to create harmony, to grow, and to learn.
This week, as I relearned the concept of Nonviolent Communication, I was reminded of how much it can help us in the way we communicate with others and with ourselves.
It also helped me in preparing for coaching because of the ability to express empathy. Not just empathy towards others, but also empathy towards myself. At the same time, it allows me to express my thoughts honestly as well.
One thing that stood out to me is that Nonviolent Communication always starts with an intention.
With the right intention, we can then establish a connection with another person.
To simplify it, I think intention can be broken down into two parts:
- The intention to connect.
- The intention to disconnect.
And then, I need to pay attention to the present moment.
Not thinking too much about what happened in the past, and not worrying too much about what is going to happen in the future, but instead, coming back to the present and living in the moment.
Within this framework, there are a few things that I can do.
First, I can express empathy towards myself.
Sometimes, it is something that I can say deep inside my heart. My own internal monologue, simply talking to myself with empathy.
I can also express empathy towards others, where another person is receiving that empathy.
And if I want to be honest, I can also express myself, what I feel and what I need, from an honest place.
The framework can be simplified into O, F, N, and R.
O is for Observation.
This is about stating the facts. What I see and what I hear. What is happening in the environment or situation that I can directly observe, without adding my own judgement or interpretation.
F is for Feelings.
What do I feel about it?
In general, we can categorize feelings as pleasant or unpleasant.
For example, I could feel happy, excited, grateful, pleased, or blessed.
Or I could feel sad, overwhelmed, stressed, irritated, or annoyed.
These are the feelings that we experience.
Then, behind every feeling, we can look at our Needs.
Maybe I have a need for clarity.
Maybe I need understanding.
Maybe I have a need for growth, companionship, family, safety, or security.
There can be many different needs behind what we are feeling.
And finally, there is R for Request.
What is it that I would like to do?
What action can I take? And what can I request from another person?
So, a simple example could be:
“I observe that today is raining, and I feel a little sad because I have a need for companionship and I was looking forward to going out and seeing my friends. I would like to find a way to better equip myself so that I can still go out and enjoy myself, even when it is raining.”
That is a simple way of using the O, F, N, and R framework that I will be practising.
This week has also been overwhelming and stressful for me.
I have been feeling the need to complete the work that I have, while also planning ahead, getting more clarity, and creating some consistency for the things that will be coming in the following weeks.
And perhaps that is why relearning this framework came at the right time.
It reminds me to pause and ask myself:
How do I feel now?
What is my need?
Maybe this simple framework can also help you think about how you can develop more empathy. Not just towards the people around you, but towards yourself as well.
So right now, I would like to invite you to ask yourself:
How do you feel now?
What is your need?
I hope that you find peace and learn to be a little kinder. Not just to the people around you, but to yourself as well.
Until next time.
Quote I’m pondering
“Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.” – Marshall B. Rosenberg
Affirmation I used
I am at peace with my own feelings. I am safe.